Do you know the feeling... a kind of awkward, nagging feeling? That something is going to happen and every inch of it is going to be so terribly wrong. I'm not talking about the feeling you get when the casual stranger is staring at you in a crowd or restaurant/bar. That is a different feeling. I'm talking about when you almost can play the scenario out in your head in milliseconds or nanoseconds but in real life it takes much longer to unfold. Like an accident, something falling, cars colliding, or simple things like your boss giving you an assignment you need a ten foot pole to get it away from yourself. When it happens in my mind it is usually so clear and pronounced ,but there is almost never enough time to form a thought about the movie in my head, much less time to react to it.
Afterward (it's not in my head this time) the stage is set again and director says "Action", instead of focusing on the problem, thinking of solutions or doing what I should be doing, instead; I go into a dazed state and fixate on the moment you had "the awkward feeling". The one constant thought being "could I have avoided this mess"? and "Didn't I just see (predict) this happening".
I'm sure i'm not the only person to have lived this strange experience. I once used to be fixated with the moment of realization. Thinking that somehow, there must be a way to hone in on the "gut feeling" and use it as a trigger or marker. The idea that the feeling could be prolonged in its moment, like slow motion in a dramatic movie scene, made me tingle inside. And in that moment, train a eager brain to see the signals, interpret the warnings and react! Then maybe there would be a chance that some unexpected situation, would still be unexpected, but to a more in-tune person it may not be unavoidable.
Recently I find myself more fixated with the fact that after an "episode" like this I get stuck with a mental image, of the moment/s when I had the "gut feeling", and it results in thoughts of enormous pressure and guilt. I always think; "If I had tried harder I could have recognized what was happening before it happened and done something to steer the course of events".
Either way, I have not been successful in training myself to read the signs or react to any pre-thoughts or 'premonitions' that I may have had in the past. I always remember the odd feeling before, and I always feel afterward that there must be some way to 'use them for good'... Then again I'm not Google, I don't work there and I don't read enough comics to think like a superhero or that I am one.
These situations always play out the same, a bullet that is shot toward you, you can see it coming and you can't move but even if you could, there would not be enough time to get out of the way. You lie there on the ground with the bullet in your head thinking, I saw it coming; I knew I was going to die.
